Journey Begins

May of the 2025…..

最初剛剛發現右眼的下眼皮上面長了一個東西的時候，我根本就沒把它當一回事，以為過兩天就會消掉，大不了塗點藥也就過去了。但是拖了好一陣子完全沒有好轉，然後在周老師的催促之下去看了一個眼科醫生，沒想到她立刻就說這個看起來像是皮膚癌，要我立刻去做活檢並且送我去見一個專科醫生，到了那裡医生二話不說，立刻一刀就把它給切了下來送去檢驗，結果果然是癌，而且還是一種蠻頑固的癌細胞。後來又切了兩次，確定周圍已經都切乾淨了。所以我就安安心心的去了中國和台灣，跑了一大趟。七月份複查沒有問題。醫生要我六個月之後再回去檢查，但是還沒有到六個月就發覺眼皮的下面眼袋腫起有異樣。回去再一次的切片取樣。很快就確認了是同樣的癌已經在眼皮原來完好的部份開始生長。這個時候我稍微有一點不能說是緊張，但是好像比較慎重地來看待這碼子事了。以前那種不在乎的態度，好像自然的被嚇跑了，等到醫生說他沒辦法保住我的右眼時我才真的緊張了。

回頭來看,好像有許多的「也許」：也許早一點去看，也許第一次切除之後做更多的檢驗或者是清理等。但是追根究底是自己一向認為身體健康，一切正常，活的好好的，對這些看起來不怎麼嚴重的事情，完全不在乎的態度，才是造成當自己要面對事實時感覺困難的最大的原因。我一向把癌症和重病劃上等號，現在自己竟然屬於這一個群體，在心理上的確有點難以適應。再進一步想一想，其實這也是自己屬靈情況的寫照。平常自覺活得挺好的，好像該做的都照常進行，不論是聚會、查經、看看屬靈文章，都還過得挺太平的。但是癌細胞其實一直在自己的身上，只是沒有察覺而已。既使有一些苗頭，但是也被自滿自欺壓過去了。這真是一個極大的提醒和教訓。很多事不是表面看起來的情況，內心遠大於身體，裡面有太多我不知道也沒有察覺的問題。但願這一次的提醒讓我在各個方面都更警醒，常常注意自己是不是太自大自信而忽略許多該注意的事情。願神繼續使用各種情況來不斷地提醒和教導。願祂的真理不斷地向我彰顯。

When I first noticed something growing on my right lower eyelid, I didn’t take it seriously at all, thinking it would disappear in a couple of days and I could just apply some ointment. However, it didn’t improve at all after a while, and then, at Mama Liu‘s urging, I went to see an ophthalmologist. Unexpectedly, she immediately said it looked like skin cancer and told me to get a biopsy immediately and see a specialist. At that doctor’s, without saying a word, he immediately cut it off and sent it for testing. The result was indeed cancer, and a rather stubborn one. It was removed twice and confirmed that the surrounding area had been completely cleaned out. So, we went to China and Taiwan, making a long trip. My follow-up checkup in July showed no problems. The doctor told me to come back for a check-up in six months, but before six months had passed, Mama Liu noticed swelling and an unusual appearance under my eyelid. I went back for another biopsy. It quickly confirmed that the same cancer had begun to grow in what was previously a healthy part of my eyelid. My previous nonchalant attitude seemed to have naturally been scared away. It is a shaken fear when the doctor said he couldn’t save my right eye.

Looking back, it seems there were many “maybes”: maybe I should have gone earlier, maybe I should have had more tests or cleaning done after the first surgery, etc. But ultimately, the biggest reason for the difficulty in facing reality is that I’ve always believed I’m healthy, normal, and living a good life. My completely indifferent attitude towards these seemingly minor issues is what makes it so hard to confront the truth. I’ve always equated cancer with serious illness, and now that I belong to this group, it’s psychologically difficult to adjust. Thinking further, this also reflects my spiritual state. I usually feel like I’m living a good life, doing everything as usual—attending church services, Bible study, reading spiritual articles—and everything seems peaceful. But the “cancer cells” have always been there, I just haven’t noticed them. Even when there were some signs, I was overwhelmed by complacency and self-deception. This is truly a great reminder and lesson. Many things are not as they appear on the surface; the mind is far greater than the body, and there are countless problems within it that I am unaware of or unaware of. May this reminder make me more vigilant in all aspects, constantly mindful of whether I am too arrogant and confident, neglecting many things I should be mindful of. May God continue to use various circumstances to constantly remind me and teach me. May His truth continually be revealed to me.